Brilliant by most standards, Carl was a quiet, mild-mannered astrophysicist before the cataclysm. Now, he’s a raw bundle of nerves who spends most of his time keeping the pod from exploding. It doesn’t help that most of the damage is caused by the negligence or just plain stupidity of his shipmate Stew. Carl is normally calm and collected, but can’t help being goaded into argument by false statements. Since nearly everything that Stew says is pretty much imaginary, Carl spends a lot of wasted time explaining things logically and reasonably to no avail. In spite of how annoying he finds his shipmate, Carl places a high value on the knowledge stored deep within Stew’s brain and would do just about anything to protect those last vestiges of humanity. Carl also spends an unhealthy chunk of time obsessing about GUSS, the ship’s holographic AI, who looks exactly like the girl he had the hots for before humanity ended. The fact that he never asked her out her untimely demise is a major loose end in his psyche.
A clone of a clone of a clone of a clone, Stew was originally intended to be an organ farm for his evil, rich “dad”. Being a copy of a copy, he’s not what you’d call “of average intelligence,” and treats the end of the world more like a road trip than a cataclysm. But he’s also got the entirety of human knowledge grafted onto the vast unused portion of his brain, so Carl can’t really throw him out an airlock if he wants to restart civilization. Stew spends most of his time searching for simple pleasures, asking stupid questions and working out his daddy issues through Carl.
Gorgeous and confident (usually) GUSS is the ship’s holographic A.I. Physically modeled after the girl Carl used to obsess over, and intellectually programmed by nerds to be an absolute caricature of female stereotypes, GUSS often switches from sexy to premenstrual mid-sentence. Unable to interact with organic matter, and unwilling to pretend to be Carl’s dead almost-girlfriend, GUSS splits her time not spent running the ship between sarcasm and emotional instability.
Need we say more?
Tall, thin, and hopelessly pale, the left albinard is one half of a two-headed alien. Attached at the side his life partner, the RIGHT ALBINARD, LEFT ALBINARD is a haughty nerd who talks like a robot and enjoys looking down on other inferior races. He’s also (slightly) better looking than his counterpart, which he assumes everyone else realizes too, making him even more insufferable.
Attached at the side to the LEFT ALBINARD, the RIGHT ALBINARD spends most of his time attempting to speak in unison with his “twin,” but is easily distracted and doesn’t always keep up. Also nerdy and pretentious (and somehow even fussier than his counterpart), Righty has a barely hidden chip on his shoulder, and it’s his brother’s head.
Sexy, statuesque, with a warrior’s bearing, Horra is the embodiment of a space Amazon. And if her barbaric verbiage doesn’t make it obvious, maybe the spear and loincloth will. Horra is concerned mainly with all things stout and hardy, and is on the prowl for functional males for breeding purposes.
Also hot and also of the space Amazonian persuasion, Gouda is Horra’s vapid sidekick. She’s more concerned with twirling her hair and space fashion, then stoutness or hardiness, but she certainly wouldn’t mind a little breeding with the right guy. She probably just wants to be friends though.